The Bottom Line
In your relationships, do you take a ‘bottom-line position too quickly?
It’s important to remember that when in relationship with someone, we’re dealing with people, not robots. People have emotions, feelings, and a life—even if it’s not THE LIFE you would prefer they have ‘with or without you’. In setting a boundary and taking a ‘bottom-line’ position make sure that it’s one you are comfortable with and won’t suffer feelings of guilt or anxiety when counter-moves or the fall out begins.
An example of this is when Josh and Amy broke up. Josh moved out leaving a ton of his stuff in Amy’s apartment. Amy wanted Josh’s stuff out immediately, but Josh could not make time for whatever reason to get his stuff out on Amy’s schedule. Therefore, Amy gave Josh an ultimatum, stating that if he did not get his stuff out by next Friday, it was going to charity.
Friday rolled around and sure enough, Amy gave Josh’s stuff away. Then when Josh came to get his stuff the following week, it was gone. He was mad and felt Amy was deliberate and unreasonable. Amy then felt bad, anxious and depressed. Did Amy do anything wrong? No, not really. Although, her bottom line to ‘action’ ‘for her’ was much more rigid than what she could actually live and be OK with.
Most of us make good attempts in defining a new position. Yet, when met with resistance from our ex or the other party, we cave.
In taking a ‘bottom-line’ position, remember to define a strong “I” within the “we” of your relationship. The challenge we all experience is having both a relationship and a self, during and post-break up.