Can you BE… The Right Partner to the person whom you are planning to marry?
Marriage is a big deal, for a lot of reasons—-the first reason is that it is a life altering experience and we marry for life. Most often we get caught up in the excitement of planning, etc., and well, it’s Superbowl Day for the bride.
Currently in the midst of June, and weddings galore across the continent!! June is considered the Nuptial Month of the year, where more weddings are performed than during any other month of on calendar. Every summer, especially the month of June, with July and August following, honeymooners are found on just about every beach across the continent celebrating the beginning of their new life together as ‘One Flesh’, to be biblically correct. After all, that is exactly what you are preparing for as a newly married couple; sharing from this point forward every part of your life, together as ‘One’.One question I frequently get from both male and female clients during the early stages of dating as well as into the relationship, especially upon commitment phase, is ‘How do I know if ‘he’ or ‘she’ is the right man or woman (for me) to marry?’
Every man wants a woman who will look up to him, respect, honor and love him, submitting to his needs as her husband.
Every woman wants a man who will provide security for her, respect, cherish and love her, making her a priority in his life.
What does a ‘the right’ husband look like?
· He is dedicated to a life of serving his wife.
· He consistently puts her needs above his own.
· He ensures she gets whatever she needs.
· He invests time in studying his wife in order to understand her better.
· He communicates with her on a deep, emotionally open and honest level, sharing what’s on his heart.
· When she asks for something, he does it without her having to nag, push or pull on him.
Men and women are completely equal in a marriage, however, God created men and women with a different sets of needs. He designed marriage to allow a husband and wife to meet the needs of each other.
What does ‘the right’ wife look like?
-She is dedicated to allowing her husband to fail without condemning or chastising him, or telling him what to do. Honor and respect is the number one need of your husband.
-She allows God to be the enforcer, rather than herself. It’s okay to speak up when your husband does or says something you disagree with. Afterall, you are equals in marriage. Yet, once you say what you want or need to say, it’s not your job to attempt to change him. Speak your piece, ‘kindly’, and then give the situation to God. Pray for your husband and rely on God to change his heart and mind.
-Honor the man whom you want him to be. In other words, focus on the things he does well and right, those things that you enjoy, love, value and appreciate about him rather than focusing on everything that he does wrong or that you dislike. Men appreciate and will submit to being honored by the woman they love.
-Focus on his strengths vs. his faults. A man thrives on praise for things he does well and understanding (especially from the love of his life; his wife) when he fails. A man is a human being and he is imperfect. He is not going to always make the right or most wise decision. We as women want our man to do everything the way we ‘think they should’, of course, especially when he’s our husband.
All the above is readily visible in yourself as well as in your potential partner during the dating phase. It’s up to you to ‘see’ these behaviors within yourself and the person whom you are dating allowing you to make the ‘right and most wise decision’ vs. making excuses for behaviors that do not exhibit the above. By choosing to marry someone with whom you cannot be the man or woman described above —as the partner God intended you to be, is doing yourself and your potential partner in life a great disservice.
If you are currently considering dating or in the midst of dating someone whom you believe you’ve fallen in love with, and now considering marriage—this time now, is the utmost important time to consider all the above.
It is now during this time, before you say “I DO”, that you can truly evaluate whether or not you are actually able to ‘be the type of partner’ God intends us to be, to the man or woman whom you are currently dating. And if the answer is ‘NO’… then it’s time to say ‘the end’ —–it’s time to Go, especially if commitment and marriage is your ultimate goal with this person currently in your life.~