Bitter Fighting or Better Loving: It’s all about the right type and style of Communication

It’s New Moon Saturday, a day where we just ‘hang loose’ & ‘hang out O’hana style, wear jeans, Aloha Shirts, enjoy the weekend, bar b q’s and be sure to make your New Moon wish! It’s a special time where we just do what makes us feel good, respectfully speaking, of course. And then of course, many of us are fortunate enough to work the weekend, too. Haha…  and still hang out and have fun!

Over the years I’ve found that the busier we stay, whether focused on professional, spiritual or personal issues & concerns that —-what we may believe to be our most difficult domestic issues tend to not be ‘so difficult’. And for one reason, we are to busy having fun or working and not so focused on those irritating issues, the small stuff, so to speak, that take up much of our effort, time and attention. The small stuff is usually ‘the stuff’ that creates dissonance, due to ‘he said, she said’ types of arguing, fussing and fighting. More often times than not, the domestic issues between two people are rather ‘mundane’, senseless, and well, you may as well be fighting about toothpicks?? Senseless… and yes, incredibly time consuming, generally leaving the couple feeling individually defeated and in such emotional despair. Why?

Power… period!

Arguments between two people, especially in an exclusive or committed relationship begin with one or both parties not getting their needs met. The unmet needs within the parameters of any relationship, romantic or otherwise, will eventually lead to altercations and may result in becoming a relational deal breaker, fostering the ultimate break-up. After so many times fussing and fighting about the same things, when do you say. Enough is enough?

The antidote for addressing unmet needs within a relationship is to First, know what your ‘needs’ are. Secondly, make a decision about the priority of such need(s). And finally, communicate your wants, needs and desires during a peace time conversation, always face to face and on neutral ground. For example, a venue suggestion for this discussion is over dinner ‘out’ in an eatery you both enjoy, taking a casual walk or drive together, or sitting in a park, or on the beach together. The key to healthy happy harmonious relationship first begins with emotionally open and honest communication, expressing yourself in an assertive way with confidence, and absolutely no ‘head game’s, sarcasm, or verbal or physical abuse.

It’s time to talk with the man/woman whom you love.
Take and make time to do so today.~

Aloha,
Daija