TORN

The majority of people think that loving two individuals simultaneously means you are not in love with either of them. Some believe their heart belongs to ‘two people’ or perhaps is ‘torn’ between two different people. Sometimes what happens is that people confuse attraction and passion with other emotions. You may love someone deeply, yet, perhaps you are ‘Not in Love’ with that same person whom you’ve loved or have been with for a number of years. Although you may love the person whom you have built a life and family with, or perhaps have spent many years with, yet, your relationship lacks the physical passion or the emotional connection—that you once had, or now need, want and desire to truly feel the intimacy you’re longing to experience.

This is a common occurrence that happens to many couples simply due to the daily grind and that ‘RUT’ we all tend to get into at times. Oftentimes it is when your relationship is ‘in this precarious’ place that you perhaps meet someone at work, or during holiday—-or even while taking a walk around the block or at the produce counter in Whole Foods!! Suddenly, eye contact is made, the sparks fly and before you know it, an infatuation is acted on and a relationship is launched. And there was absolutely ‘no intention’ —-no conscious intention on your part for this to occur, it just ‘happened’. Right?? Well, yes and no. I could write about that all day plus one, and a topic I promise to SOON cover, in another post. To stay on point, what occurred during this random starry-eyed attraction is more likely than not due to something that is lacking in your current relationship. Or is relative to a specific vulnerability, within yourself, allowing an over ripe ‘need or desire’ for someone new or something more. The word that comes to mind is: Impulse!!

This type of tricky-sticky situation generally occurs because you ‘long’ for what you’re missing in your current long term relationship or domestic life, and suddenly because it’s RIGHT THERE in your face, you develop a passionate relationship, either physically or emotionally with someone else. Stop for a moment and ask yourself if this is your case? Just close your eyes and let your deepest feelings emerge and tell you whom is it that you SEE is actually THE ONE whom you would choose to share the rest of your life with….Or, is this impulsive infatuation that you ‘believe is LOVE’… worth losing everything you’ve built with someone else? What if you really are not in love with either person, and simply find that what truly is the issue is that you have been with one person for so long for other reasons than ‘love’, and it’s simply easier to stay. Or perhaps what you find is that ‘in each person’, you are fulfilling different aspects of ‘lack’ within yourself? And so because you cannot ‘choose’, your choice by default is to juggle both until it becomes so stressful that you feel as though you’re going crazy. Relax, you’re not crazy, however, where you are is indeed quite precarious, and the advice of wise counsel is recommended, immediately. And please remember that friends and family cannot be objective, they are too close ‘to you’. Time to call… Dr. Daija!!