The Graceful Exit


Breaking up —-whether it’s merely been a first greet and meet introduction or a two to three casual lunch, coffee, happy hour—- ‘things just don’t feel’ right type of ‘relationship’— putting the ‘end’ off—delaying the inevitable —only creates anxiety and stress. It’s not an easy task, when one party is head over heels, and perhaps you too… enjoy the attention from that person who believes they are madly passionately in love with you. Perhaps you became so enamored by how ‘sweet’ the attention and affection is—-that you perhaps also engaged in kind, and now feel a tad bit guilty because you just don’t really ‘feel’ it for him/her —and don’t want to carry it on but don’t want to hurt the other person, or cause them to think you were lying or disingenuous.

It’s not an easy task by any means to ‘end’ what you know is just not going to happen. But… once you have decided it’s not going to happen, then just make the call, or write the email, and if it’s only been one to three dates, and you have not engaged in sex, then breaking up with a text is fine. The points below may help you while you write your farewell.

Be Kind. Begin with something like: “Since we met, I’ve enjoyed sharing time with you… or Although we have only shared a few times together, I find you to be a wonderful man/woman, and I’ve enjoyed your sweet and charming texts … Or… Our calls, chats and texts are a lot of fun, you’re a great gal/guy, although there is something that is just not connecting for me, and I just do not see us as a good fit, or I do not see us as having a future together… OR Thanks for meeting me, and the texts we’ve shared have been fun, yet, something about the last convo/chat or lunch or dinner the other nite didn’t settle well and I just do not see us as a good match.

If S/he pushes back, with ‘what was it that bothered you’… you can say, “you know, I don’t know really… I can’t put my finger on it, although I know it just isn’t right for me. Thank the person, and end the call, do not linger.

Always think about how you would want someone to treat you if they were breaking up with you. It’s important that you are never ‘mean’, ‘nasty’ or ‘hateful’. Deciding that the person whom you may have developed feelings for and vice versa, is not right for you, is fine, just make sure that you gracefully and respectfully exit, as well.

Be gracefully direct… leaving no room for further contact or friendship. You cannot be friends. So do not go there. You were not on a dating site to collect friends. You are on a dating site to enjoy romance and be romanced and find love. Be patient, you will.<3

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Astro Daija