The Beginning is “THE MOST IMPORTANT”

Not all personalities gel well — especially in terms of romantic relationships. And that’s ok, because there are no two people, personalities or relationships alike. We are all unique individuals. Yet, all relationships boil down to communication. And not just any type and style of communication. All relationships boil down to the right type and style of communication for your personality and relational type, style and preference. Unfortunately, communication—and not merely the ‘lack of’—but the communication insofar as ‘what ALL is being communicated and ‘how’ it’s being communicated’—– is the ALL TIME… number one relational destroyer.

Just like the first trimester of pregnancy is the foundation of formation, the same is true regarding the beginning of a relationship. The beginning of a relationship is the most important phase of your relationship. I actually refer to it as the 1st trimester. I associated relational ‘phases’ and length of gestational ‘relational time’ similar to that of pregnancy. Just about 240 days, or 40 weeks, or ‘9’ months—is the general duration or ‘ripening’ if you will before the first ‘real break up’.

Breakups or frequent emotional pain and suffering occurring during the first relational trimester are those types relationships that are destined for continued trouble —even if they last a lifetime. Therefore, if the first 90 days of your relationship is tumultuous —- stop for a moment and consider your long term emotional stability, health and happiness. Unfortunately, during the first relational trimester the most ‘IMPORTANT’ or perhaps “ALL” the most important topics of conversation are generally almost ‘always’ —‘completely’ avoided. When we begin a romantic relationship —we must remember that ‘one date’ can indeed lead to marriage, as well as one kiss can lead to pregnancy. Therefore, those ‘majorly’ important (normally avoided) topics of conversation that can absolutely lead to destruction—-must be laid on the table and talked about. However, there is a reason why both men and women initially avoid talking about the ‘important stuff’ —meaning ‘what is important to you’—- on a personal level——for two specific reasons:

1. Unwilling based on Fear… and/or

2. Inability based on relational communication skill.

I believe, the fear of bringing up a topic or inability to conversationally engage on a feared topic, on one or more levels, is due to temperament or sensitivity in how ‘one person’ may view a topic or issue as ‘a serious matter’—-and the other may see the same topic or issue, as ‘no big deal’. Overall, if one or both reasons prevent communication, it is due to the fact that one or both parties more likely than not, have not yet learned conflict resolution skills, and possibly neither have ability to accept and work with the differences, effectively.

Preferring to stick your head in the sand, is not a viable option that will lead to personal or relational success. Passive avoidance is merely delaying the inevitable, and does nothing positive where there are two people involved. Eventually, you will have to deal with it, one way or another, and more likely than not, sooner than later. Where there is a marked difference in wants, needs and desires, lifestyle, routine, morals, values and principles, family etc. etc…. you can best believe that more likely than not, these differences based on the degree and number of ‘differences’ will create significant discussions, arguments and compromises resulting in misunderstandings, hurt feelings and resentments. If you have ever been in a relationship, of any kind, type or style, then you know exactly what I am talking about here.

There is absolutely no way to avoid getting our feelings hurt by another person from time to time, regardless how ‘perfect’ a communicator we may be. Our level of understanding—–and the exact meaning of how an idea or concept is communicated is based on a vast number of variables. Both the messenger and the recipient have a responsibility in the process of healthy positive productive interactive interpersonal/relational communication. Among the interpretive variables are: culture, family environment, geographic locale, primary and formal education/academia, intelligence, language, intuition, and of course our cognitive ability to apply logical, rational or abstract application to the ideas, concepts, terms, agreements, proposals, plans, etc. that is being communicated.

The root of all communication is proffered by an attempt to persuade. Therefore, unless you enjoy ‘arguing’ for the sake of arguing, preferring a ‘hostile’ environ vs. a peaceful sanctuary—–then ‘think’ before you ‘speak’. Make it a point to know your intent. This means to know what your purpose is for ‘speaking’ by knowing what you want, need and desire before you speak, ask or initiate a bid for communication. Your relationship is worth learning, investing and engaging in the right type and style of communication.~