Do you want your ex ‘back’?
Awakened this morning to a love song blasting into my sleepy head — tipping off my ‘chi’ to reawaken the reality or perhaps dissolve my fantasy of desire associated with ‘believing that I want my ex back in my life’ ??? WHAT? Mumbling as I stumble out of bed, my head hurts to even think about the emotional pain associated with such traumatic amorous thoughts.
Is s/he still in my life? Could I have been so emotionally attached that I have failed to release him/her and this entity is still controlling my every emotional chord? As I peer into the mirror, thinking WOW, I look pretty swollen this morning, yeah, I’ve lost weight too, and I just feel awful as I rub my face and head, thinking, agonizing the eternal question of ‘WHY’… did I have this dream, what is it all about, where did this thought about returning to my ex, or that I would even ever consider doing that or needing that or desiring that… and ‘WHY’ would I ever want this sort of dream, desire or thought to come true? After all we had been thru together, and all the unhappiness, pain and suffering that I (we) went thru, ‘WHY ON EARTH’ would I ever consider such a life as what I experienced during that turbulent time.
And now for the answer.
There is only one reason we as humans believe, think, desire, or return to something in our lives that we once believed to nearly be intolerable, or so painful that perhaps we even considered death as an option to end the torment: FAMILIARITY.
We as humans are incredibly adaptable. Even if we believe where we are or something in our lives to be incredibly miserable, eventually if we stay long enough ‘in that state’ —whether emotionally, physically, or conditionally, we will grow to adapt to it. Don’t confuse acceptance with adaptability. Conceptually there is a vast difference between the two terms, or states of mind.
Familiarity means to become habitually associated with the routine or general nature of things as it appears in our day to day existence, routine, or lifestyle. We are familiar with how we go about our daily operations both domestically and professionally. We are familiar with the faces we see in our everyday environment due to the consistency of seeing them and interacting with these people regularly.
We may or may not get along well with the person or people with whom we share a home or office with, but we are familiar with who they are and their behaviors. In our mind, psychologically, this ‘knowledge’ of this other person or people & their actions, etc., creates a certain safety and a security within our environment that we associate and adapt ourselves & our daily routine around.
Over a period of time, because our predictions are accurate of how this person behaves, or that person responds, it is considered our ‘conditioned environment’ meaning that we are conditioned to behave a particular way to the stimulus or people whom which we are connected, or familiar with, as it becomes our reality. Our reality gives us structure and stability. Even if it is ‘the wrong’ structure or stability that would be conducive to our real happiness or a happy life and lifestyle. Yet, as human beings, whatever the environment or whomever the people associated within our environment, we learn that we can count on everything associated with the environment as well as the people in our environment to be (even when we adjust and adapt to negative or abusive conditions) what we consider our ‘norm’ or “what is familiar to us” because we have learned to predict their behaviors and actions, and all that is within our day to day environ.
Therefore, rather than beat yourself up for day or nite dreaming of returning to your ex. or having your ex return to you, even if the relationship was abusive, or far less than what you ever considered to be ‘happy’ — consider the amount of time that you spent in this relationship or in the environment that which you adjusted yourself and your psyche’ to. And you’ll have your answer. It’s not what you truly desire for yourself, it’s more about what you are familiar with, and that could be about pain and suffering moreso than living happily.
Ponder this notion, close your eyes and open your heart, and you will truly see ‘everything’ with much better clarity. And of course, practicing creative visualization of what makes you happy and feeling your best is where you’ll find peace as well as an ability to manifest what you truly want, need and desire in your life.
And remember this one final thought, where you are now, is exactly where you are supposed to be — and if it’s not where you see yourself or where you are truly happy, then look at your circumstances, and where you are, within. Have you adapted to less than favorable conditions because it was more about what you were conditioned to and familiar with, or because being where you are is truly allowing you to thrive, feel good about yourself and live the happy life and lifestyle that you’ve always desired to live?
Your life can change, now. From the inside out. And after doing the work you need to do, for you, then perhaps you’ll see that ‘the ex’ you’re clinging to is more about ‘the ex inside of you’ that no longer exists because you’ve changed your environment and your lifestyle, and what you miss is the person inside whom you became familiar with, and not really your ‘ex’. If you can take a deep breath, and look around you and feel ‘calm’ vs. pressured, relaxed vs. threatened, content vs., stressed… then what you are missing is the filled with stress lifestyle that you became accustomed to, and the tense person that you once were, and the fearful little girl or boy that you became associated with your environment that you became conditioned to, and those people around you that helped you create this detrimental place you once called ‘Home’.
Happiness is your real and natual ‘HOME’. It’s time to go ‘HOME’… Now.
There is a book entitled ‘Happiness is a Choice’… look it up on amazon or get it at your nearest bookstore. I am on today, Wednesday, Feb 4th until Noon., pacific. No evening hours tonight. I will be back tomorrow, Thursday beginning at 9am., pacific.
Enjoy your day and choose to make yourself ‘happy’ and leave the ex that you left behind, as well as ‘the ex self’ that you are clinging to, it’s time to move on, totally.