That One Girl…

… whom you let get away!!

Every guy has that ‘one girl’ —in his dating life whom he continues to think about —possibly even 40 years later. This is that one girl whom you fancied, cherished, sought after and failed at making her ‘yours’. Why is that?

There are a number of reasons why every guy experiences this— ‘the one girl whom I let get away’—phenomena and thankfully it’s generally early in a man’s life before he’s able to realize the treasure he actually had in his life, or kept —making her his wife for life.

Ten reasons why (based on scientific studies as well as the hundreds of thousands of personal conversations with men over the years) men will continue to experience this very interesting heart breaking, perhaps gut wrenching ‘the girl that got away’ …

 1. Relational Immaturity. You are a savvy young handsome relationally insecure and immature guy, (not by choice, of course, it’s just a fact) you were never taught how to emotionally communicate with the opposite sex. Therefore, you failed to make her feel secure in the relationship with you by telling her your emotional truth about your real feelings for her and/or how she made you feel. A woman’s two primary needs are:
a. Emotionally open Communication and
b. Security.

 2. Feelings of Inferiority. You compared her to other women, (you don’t mean to, but it’s natural to do so) and whether or not you are able to fess up and admit it—-you also compared yourself to other men, and then even to her. Feeling you could perhaps never ‘measure up’ …she makes more money than you, she could have any guy out there, someone richer, smarter, more handsome, etc., her last boyfriend drove a Porche… yada yada, yada… and so you just quit trying.

 3. Lack of appreciation. She’s beautiful, intelligent, sexy and fun—-not to mention independent, and savvy.  She does all kinds of stuff for me, and so, she prob does and or says this to all the guys. There are a lot of girls like that in the world and so, why does she need me or anything from me? She can do her own thing and she’s just too much. Maybe even demands or expects too much. I will just have to try too too hard—-she takes up way too much of my time, effort and/or energy.

 4. Comparing her to another girl. She’s got great… legs—- or her laugh makes me nuts, or I love her sensual voice but Twinkle toes has the best or better, this, that or the other… plus, the other is more fun every now and again… and so is this and that —with the other(s).

 5. Fear of losing the freedom of dating other women. To commit to ‘one woman’ for the rest of your life making a vow to never again sleep with another woman other than the one you have right in front of you is a very scary thing. Although—-it does not have to be if she is ‘the right One God intended for you’… the sex only gets better, and I promise you this! 😉

 6. Taking your girlfriend for granted. Please, thank you and appreciating all the little things—-is important, and giving her words of affirmation, taking interest in her needs, wants and desires are indeed important. Her needs wants and desires must be “at least” as important to you as your needs, wants and desires are ‘to you’.

 7. False sense of security. She loves me and I have nothing to worry about, after all, she texts and calls me a dozen times a day and always wants me with her. I need some time with the guys or whatever, and I do not need to answer to her. She doesn’t need to know why I’m taking this time for me, or where I am or whom I’m with… let her worry about it a little.

 8. She didn’t really ‘get away from you’, because she was never really yours in the first place. This fantasy gal you have in your head whom you’ve never spoken to… although you see her everyday in the elevator or at Starbucks, or on the subway… she is your ideal, and in your heart, mind and soul, she is or was yours. The problem is that you’ve never had the courage to actually ever utter a single ‘hello’… not even so much as a caveman grunt…

 9. Deception. You lied. Cheated, etc. Ok it happens. She was even perhaps willing to forgive you. But you couldn’t get over yourself. (She didn’t lie or cheat, or at least you never caught her doing so, so let’s get real here, if she would have, it’s unlikely you would be pining away for her now with the idea of believing and labeling her as ‘The Girl whom you let Get away’) Ok, sure —as I’ve learned to accept that all things are possible. But… don’t kid yourself, if she was the liar or cheater, you can bet she’s out lying and cheating with someone else —so in essence you are better off… so dude, it’s time to get over yourself, move on and stop this self-loathing non-sense.

10. You are not into monogamy type relationships, but you want every woman whom you meet to ‘think’ and believe that you are because that is the only way she will ever sleep with you. As you ponder and think back you recall this one particular sweet thing that you could not resist and she still haunts you as ‘the one whom you let get away’!

Actually, I’m not at all surprised that you are dauntingly haunted by this sweet little thought. Of course, this type repeated one or two nite interaction on a continuum could fall under deception—and it is of course, emotional manipulation, at best. Yet, this type situation is something that I find quite interesting and I do believe is properly defined as a relationship. Whether you agree with me or not—-is irrelevant. The fact is, regardless of the type and style of your entanglement/relationship with another person, it is in fact by definition a ‘relationship’ of some type, and must be defined as such. Therefore, I do not blame you gents for sampling—-should you meet up with a gal and there is off the charts physical chemistry and she is ready and willing to immediately attend the mattress ball, with you. After all a child in a candy store without proper supervision will indeed sample and actually take or ‘steal’ the candy —and he will do so as often as the situation allows—due to the fact that what he is desirous of i.e.; ‘FREE CANDY’ cannot be resisted—-and if she lingers in your heart, mind and soul, for eternity, well then…ya win some, ya lose some, and in this physical sampling case…
the choice is indeed yours.~