Why Do Men Cheat?

The age old question… Why do men cheat?

There are a number of reasons why a man cheats. However, Ladies, please know and trust that the reason he does, has or is ‘cheating’—regardless what he may have told you his reasons were —whether you caught him cheating on you, or he told you he cheated on his ex. The reason a man cheats has NOTHING to do with you… Promise!!

Most often men cheat for a number of reasons. I have narrowed it down to about five, but of course, I’m sure there are many more reasons one could come up with… let’s take a look:

1. He is not the man whom you ‘thought’ he was, or whom he led you to believe he is. This man has no intention of being monogamous, nor does he respect or value emotional/relational integrity or intimacy. He is emotionally detached and lacks empathy for his spouse. He does not value his vow of commitment.

2. He seeks emotional/physical gratification in the form of female attention. He fails to recognize his own emotional needs until he is over taken and overwhelmed by them. This man may have a porn addiction, or be a serial ‘cheater’ type, uninterested in an affair, but his needs are ‘quick fixes’ and temporary and by different women. He gets his high from new female attraction and attention.

3. He is an insecure man. We often times associate this notion to a man’s sense of feeling washed up, unattractive, unsuccessful, no longer desirable to a woman. He will use prostitution, or unassuming, insecure women who are willing to be available to him at his beckoned call. He will visit strip clubs, massage parlors, on line dating or hook up sites for one nite stands. This man will use whatever vice in order to receive validation to boost his self esteem. He will be relentless in his attempts to satisfy his sexual/emotional needs enabling him to experience a feeling of being desired, or in control, and empowered.

4. He is unhappy in his marriage/committed relationship and complains about his spouse in specific ways. Either she’s too fat, too skinny, lazy, nags him all the time, doesn’t care about his needs, doesn’t have sex with him, he’s just a meal ticket, she spends too much, she this, that or the other. His unhappiness in his relationship is always about ‘her’ and of course, nothing about him. The bottom line is that ‘those are relational issues’ that need to be discussed and worked thru with his spouse—–they are ‘NOT’ a valid reason for choosing infidelity, and to  ‘act’ outside of his vow of commitment. His wife being ‘this, that or the other’ is not what caused him to behave the way he is behaving. He is the reason he is behaving the way he is behaving.  Once again actions and behavior such as this is a guarantee that he is seeking a temporary external fix for his relational /emotional needs.

5. He uses Sex as his drug, he is a sex addict or love addict. This man uses sex, sexual fantasy and the intensity of  giving or receiving ‘love’ as his way of self medicating or escaping from unhealed physical or emotional pain, loss, or childhood wounds. He will use sex, fantasy, infidelity, illicit relationships, as his way of escaping the responsibility of dealing with his trauma of the past, seeking physical gratification and avoiding emotional intimacy.

It’s heart breaking to imagine how many people live their entire lives, truly hurting—-and hurting others in the process. The serious impact infidelity has on the family reveals itself by how each generation behaves in relationships. I know because I am in the business of relationship. There is hope and help, but first, you must recognize what you are doing by making a choice to avoid seeking ‘help’… not only to yourself, but to your spouse and family. Choosing to ‘live’ a double or secret life is harmful to you and to those who love you.~

I am not singling men out in this article.
Watch for “Why does she cheat… coming soon.