Your Relationship

Greetings – Tuesday – November 3rd., 2009
I am available today until 1pm., pacific & then again
this evening between 7pm & 11pm., pacific.
In the midst of conflict? If that is what is happening between you and your significant other, boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, best friend, distant family member, parent, child, father, mother, sister, brother, the dog?  The Moon moving out of the fixed sign of Taurus and today into Gemini gives us a more flexible attitude which is the key ingredient for resolution to conflict. Put that huge smile on your face, realizing that today, yes, is the day you will very easily enjoy something better, happier, more of what you want than what you don’t as it pertains to the most recent events in your life and yes, it’s all good. TAlking about things today (in the right way) will enable you to arrive at a solution that will be tolerable, at least and perhaps anticipated, and enjoyed, for each of you.

I am often times asked this question, perhaps daily when two people are going thru a breakup—-or just after the breakup:

“Just tell me one thing, Did ‘s/he’ really mean all the wonderful loving things s/he said to me, and did s/he really love me or was what s/he said to me just empty words?”

 STOP that thinking immediately!!

There is a reason why you want to NOW believe that what ‘was said’ that was kind, endearing, loving and sweet shared between you, when the relationship was going well, was all fake and just mere words in order to get what s/he wanted. NOT TRUE.
Listen up:

When two people share intimate moments, those moments are real. But as all things, they are ‘moments’
and they are not forever moments. The things that happen around those moments in the daily operations
of a relationship alter and affect the dynamic and paradigm of the relationship. This does not mean that what is said is meant to be taken frivolously. Rather taken seriously for the moment, because that is what it is. Honesty, in the moment.

You can look at this yourself, about yourself. You often times said what you said —in sentimental loving terms, and yet, there were times when you slammed the door in his/her face, or dismissed her/him due to performing acts or behaving in a less than honorable or desirable way and then you made a choice to exclude him/her from your life or event in your life—-because you just couldn’t deal with ‘their behaviors’ during that time.  Does this mean that everything kind and loving you ever said, is meant to be taken as a lie or that your intent was to deceive or manipulate in some way, just to get what you wanted? Of course not!! 

This does not mean that when you told him/her  that you loved him/her etc., etc. and shared intimate moments that ‘those moments’ were fake or fraud. It means that when s/he did things that you didn’t like or when those behaviors cropped up that you found undesirable, you dismissed him, choosing something better—–either it was for your own peace away from her/him or basically choosing to do something different that excluded her/him simply bc you didn’t want to be around his awful behaviors ‘at that time’.

So when you go to that place of asking that question of ‘did S/he ever love me’… and going to those every moments when—-stop yourself, and say to yourself that is so non-sense. What happened between you and your partner was a process that occurred with two broken people, or broken spirited people that eventually 99% spells disaster——in all the actions along the way, as you can look back and clearly see this. And no sense in blaming yourself or her/him, just chalk it up to the fact that your relationship entailed gross dysfunction in every sense of the word, when two people entertain a precarious relationship such as what you are experiencing —–a non-married couple, where there is no ‘real viable’ commitment, ‘contract’ or ‘vow’ that gives two people a reason other than ‘their emotions’ to remain in the relationship—-it will simply lead to eventual break up—–only 1% of those relationships last, or go the distance, per se. Because after the honeymoon phase, people need ‘SOMETHING MORE THAN’ emotion to hold them together, they need commitment, and to ‘both’ honor commitment at the same degree.

The initial attraction needs to be something more than mere physical—–or sexual (whatever the case may be) stimulation. Unfortunately, more likely than not, your relationship to begin with was predicated on the physical, sexual & emotional stimulation—–and although enuf to sustain [it] for a while and during good times, those waning elements are never enough to sustain —-for either one of you during the bad times—-although you may stay together struggling during the bad times, ‘sometimes’—the struggle is quite brutal to each party, causing serious grief, pain and suffering, because  it was certainly not necessarily 100% supportive or loving, during that time frame. And little truly is ever resolved, but merely forgotten for a time, until the cycle begins again. So, Get real here, and you will better be able to deal with all this, and professional intervention is warranted for both parties if there is real love at the root, and it is then that you will be able to relearn how to communicate with each other so that a viable relationship can then take place with more Joy, in the hearts and minds of both people. Call me and let’s talk about this together.

                           Love and blessings,
                             Daija ext 32452